In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
