not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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