It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
