Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
