I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize