At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
it's like heaven, but drunker
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
