I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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