i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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