3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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