on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
