bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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