He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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