is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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