okay pat passed out under dana's car
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
