I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
