I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
