Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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