I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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