Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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