He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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