Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
