Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
