Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
