K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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