Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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