So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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