just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
