I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
