white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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