Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
