I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
