rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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