Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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