I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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