Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
