SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize