my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
