Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
