Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
