I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
