i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
