i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
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