oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Operation Purity has been aborted
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
