maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
