I am full of burrito and curiosity
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My vagina just clenched in fear
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
