What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
