that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
