im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
