My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
