Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
