I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
