I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
