If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
