He had one of those small greek statue penises
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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