yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
