so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
