you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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