Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
