Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
