So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
