she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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