he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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