He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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