What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
